Unmasking Domestic Violence:Survival

Domestic Violence(DV) is a pattern of abusive behaviors in any intimate or familial relationship.DV abuse is used by the  Abuser to gain and maintain power and control over another intimate partner.It is very important that one realizes that it is the willing choice of the Abuser,knowingly to act in this behavior to cause harm and maim or even kill their intimate partner.However,there are some survival skills and coping mechanisms that the abused or victims of DV have in common.

• ANGER.The victim becomes very angry with themselves.They are victims of a barrage of abuses for a long time and eventually they adapt these as true :for example “Stupid,Useless,Good for nothing,Bad spouse and Bad parent.
• Lying and Withholding  information When asked about bruises they constantly lie until it becomes a habit.
• Protecting and Defending the Abuser.When confronted with the wrong behavior about their abuse they become overly defensive and protective.At times when they are being beaten and a neighbor comes to assist they might turn against that helper in defense of their abuser
• Rationalizing and Normalizing Violence.They find normal situations to cover the abuse.”He did not mean to,of late he is so stressed by the work”.”I was asleep and did not hear him coming in last night and he was hungry waiting for me to warm his food.”
• Recanting and Not Showing up in CourtThis is very common secondary to the fact that even most cases go unreported.They decide to make peace or not sue because of the children or some other excuse.
• Substance abuse and drug or alcohol addiction.They excuse the abuse  ,rationalizing it.
• ChildrenThey decide to focus all their attention on child custody and not the abuse.Again hiding from the fact.

All the above just assist the abuser to be proud of their actions.Their desire to gain more control and power over their intimate partner only escalates .This is a fact.Where there are children involved,the victim should know they are putting their child in danger,and that is negligence.

See Article:Child Witness Abuse