Red Flags:Does Your Partner….?

Domestic Violence Abuse usually begins slowly .

We all desire peace and a wonderful home.We go into a relationship thinking it is a healthy,loving one. In our dreams  we miss  THE RED FLAGS .It could be as early dating stage ,or relatives or siblings we have living in our care ,but in most cases,it is that deeply,intimate live in partner or marital spouse. Then one day you realize:l am in a domestic violence relationship.How?

The Following Questions:Does your partner….he/she?

• Control what you do all the time,Where you go and Who are you with?
• When controlling you ,do you feel like they are scanning you?
• Make you feel guilty for things they did wrong until you feel intimidated?
• Do you often catch them sneering at you,or they often make abusive signs?
• Insult, Humiliate, Demean ,Yell at you regardless of where you are and So often?
• Scared and on alert like you are walking on egg shells in everything you do or say,you have to think more than twice?

• Push,Shove,Hit ,Kick or Slap You? Demand also you stay put or shut up  till they are finished?
• Look At you or Act in Ways that Scare you?
• Stop you From Seeing Your Friends ,family or attend  community functions where they are not present.
• Makes Decisions individually and never asks for Your opinion.
• Do they Treat you Like An Item,Part of his/her Property and Commandeer you?
• Does he/she Control the money in the relationship?
• Do they take your money or the social security check and child care money ?
• Do they make you beg for the money even for basic needs like napkins and your body care such as pads?
• Do they refuse outright to give you any money and you have zero control over the finances?
• Do they abuse you verbally,easily lose control and boast that the whole world knows how badly they can beat anyone who dares them?
• Do they constantly criticize you?Do they say how thin or fat or stupid you are?
• Do they ask the children questions to turn them against you?
• Do they constantly threaten to take the children away because you are dependent on them?
• Do they warn you often that you are a nobody?
• Do they threaten to leave you and have done it a number of times even in dangerous areas ?
• Have they ever thrown you out of the car and left you stranded?
• ARE YOU SCARED OF THEM?
• Are they brutally selfish in the bedroom?
• Do they impose sexual relations against your will even when you are unwell or have just given birth?
• Do they force you to eat and drink what you do not like even watch media that does not interest you?
• Do they require you to stop what you are doing immediately and be at their beck and call, even bring them a glass of water while you are busy doing some other house chores or resting?
• Do they take your “no” for an answer as disobedience no matter how much you politely explain?
• Do they try to manipulate you to sign contracts and documents with no discussions?

The Signs are many.We are shall examine them as we continue to dissect each abuse separately every day.A post at a time

There is  almost no chance of you by yourself  changing  an abuser from their violent  acts and behavior without some outside intervention.

• Professional Help like Marriage counsellers.
• Family meeting with family elders for marital matters(Africans we have them-Uncle/Aunt).
• School counsels for bullying and stalking after current or former dating (See:Dating….).
• The Police Authorities very important for warnings to him and records.
• Doctors Reports are very important for record purposes.
• Church or Spiritual leaders :be sure they are well trained on marital or as a mentor or “intimate relationships”.
• Is it that serious?It is if….
• CALL THE POLICE…
• He/She is always aggressive
• He/She is aggressive towards pets
• He/She is subject to a rapid change of behavior from calm to rage.
• He/She threatens to commit suicide if you leave them or kill you and themselves or family
• He/She is always angry at someone or something and breaks and throws things at you ,the children or banging on the table and wall and being a total threat.
• Intimidates you with a gun,knife or other weapons
• Attempts to force you to drop charges.
• Acts like the abuse was no big deal,denies the abuse or tells you it was your fault.
• Violates  your dignity as a worthy human being who deserves to be on this planet living in harmony.

If these questions genuinely reflect your situation.Seek help and it is today.Call the hotline.People are voluntarily waiting to hear from you and advise you on the next steps.See our Safety plan .