EMOTIONAL ABUSE (EA) is also known as MENTAL ABUSE. It is familiar with live-in partners, dating and spouses. However, it can occur in other relationships, e.g. family, workmates or friends. It is not easily recognised until it is too far gone and has manifested itself in the form of victims isolating and distancing themselves or portraying disoriented behaviours. What is EA? It is an Abuser’s Use of Emotions on their Targeted Victim to Control and maintain Power over them. The Abuser uses Subtle (clever and indirect methods ) and insidious (gradual moves) or overt (open, obvious )and manipulative (unscrupulous control or influence) forms of Abuse to intentionally Chip away at their Victims Self-Esteem.
What happens?. The Victim begins to Doubt their Perspectives (own understanding) and Reality.
What does the Abuser do? They target the Victim’s Emotions( feelings and sentiments.)
How? by Humiliating, Embarrassing, Blaming, Criticising, Shaming, or Manipulating their targeted Victim. In the Relationship, there is also a Consistent Pattern in the use of Abusive Words and Bullying Behaviours. The result is that Victim feels abused, neither seen nor heard, as they lose their Dignity, Self-esteem, and Power over their boundaries. This pathetic situation undermines their Mental Health. EA is a dangerous tool that leaves the Victim trapped, too wounded to endure the pain, and too afraid to get out of the Relationship. Family rejections usually play a significant role, plus job loss due to absenteeism and a lack of focus (disorientation). The underlying goal of the Abuser is to discredit the Victim publically and in privacy. Silencing and isolating the Victim makes them appear lifeless and feel worthless.
Am I being emotionally abused?
- Stop and think: “how do l feel when interacting with my spouse, partner or date”?
- Do l feel frustrated, misunderstood, confused, wounded, depressed, anxious, worthless every time we interact, or l am near them?
- Do they expect me to put everything aside and meet their needs?
- Are they constantly criticising me for not completing tasks according to their standards? e.g. cooking, housework etc.?
- Do they always expect me to agree with them and share their opinions, and even when we are out with friends, l must nod yes to their every argument?
- Are they always dissatisfied with me no matter how hard l try and never compliment me?
- Are they making unreasonable demands of me; financially, sexually, or even general workloads?
- Are they demanding l spend all of my time with them, even though they always end up ignoring me while they watch football, chat on their phone or play video games?
Emotionally Abusive People Will Invalidate (disapprove) their Victim by;
- Undermining, dismissing and distorting victims perceptions and Reality( the way they see, hear and understand things).
- Refusing to accept their Victim’s feelings by trying to define how they should feel.
- Refusing the Victim repeatedly to express how they feel?
- Accusing the Victim of being “too sensitive”, “too emotional”, “too crazy”, or “stupid!”.
- Refusing to accept the Victim’s ideas or opinions as valid: logical, reasonable or a fact.
- Dismissing the Victim’s needs, wants, requests as not deserving, ridiculous or unmerited.
- Suggesting that the Victim’s perceptions are wrong and that they cannot trust the Victim.
- Making statements like: “You’re blowing this thing out of proportion” or “You really love to exaggerate or lie”.
- Accusing the Victim of being materialistic, thrifty, selfish, needy, clingy or selfish.
- Making the Victim feel they are a lesser person who does not deserve to want or need anything.
(Look out for the Next Article….. as we continue to Examine the Emotional Abusers Tactics.)
